I just pynch a tree in the face
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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