Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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