party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just cropdusted the office
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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