What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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