do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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