I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
