Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
