Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
