Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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