Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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