I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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