i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
