smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
