like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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