The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
