Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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