You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
