Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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