Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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