can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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