Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
