Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize