if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
