I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
