clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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