My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
