3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
