is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
