my being single is dangerous.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
