im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
