dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
