I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
