I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
