dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
