why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
