yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
