with your own penis?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
