i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
