So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
