judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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