i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
