After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
