Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
