Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
