I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
