I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
