We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
