Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize