i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
