She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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