im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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