Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
