Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
