Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
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