Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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