You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
