there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
