He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
