Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
