So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
