remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
