I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
