Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
