I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize