At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
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