Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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