**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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