It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
