It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
