There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
