All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
me + whiskey = a bad person
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
