Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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