He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
