Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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