Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
