You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
