dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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