you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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