Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
