well you can't waste a boner
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
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