Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize