New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
