A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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