Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
