oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
