either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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