I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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