considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
