I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
