i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
