watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
