this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
even my farts smell like vagina
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
