That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
