Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
