I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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