They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
