no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize